UNIVERSITY PARK – Back in 1980, America wanted to know who shot JR from the TV show “Dallas.” 15 years later, another mystery to solve on “The Simpsons,” who shot Mr. Burns?
Bruised and beaten on the paintball battlefield, Nittany Lions Head Coach James Franklin shared his lingering marks of defeat with the media gathered on Saturday. Insisting he was unfairly targeted in the team’s paintball outing, we decided to play amateur sleuth and find out who shot JF?
The questioning starts with Junior QB Tommy Stevens.
“I think once people figured out who it was and he got shot the first time, I think it was all hands on deck," Stevens deduced. "Everybody forgot what they were doing and they went after coach.”
Good answer but did you notice how he dodged the initial question? We try again with Junior WR Juwan Johnson.
"There were several people," recalled Johnson. "You couldn't really tell because there were a lot of masks on but we had a paintball game a couple of days ago and he got shot up pretty good. He likes to get on people's nerves you could say, they tried to get revenge."
The motive is discovered, revenge. We're still looking for the culprits.
"Well, it wasn't me," denied Junior Linebacker Jan Johnson. "My team wasn't playing his. I was up on the hill, I can't remember who shot him but there was more than one culprit, he got lit up pretty good."
Junior Offensive Lineman Connor McGovern also witnessed the carnage from the hill. He gave us a real break in the case.
"I had nothing to do with that match, anyone on team three can tell you what happened," revealed McGovern.
Jackpot! Team three. The squads are divided up alphabetically, the later letters make up team three. Next interview, Junior Safety Garrett Taylor. That's Taylor, ending in "T."
"Team three will take responsibility for that, I think we are very proud," Taylor confessed. "You don't get too many opportunities to shoot your head coach. We all made sure that at the end of the game, we made sure we knew where he was and we took advantage. No names individually though, it was a team effort."
