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No, we don’t have the Ravens game this week

super bowl football

Note: the following are only the satirical and editorial musings of an answerer of angry phone calls, emails, and other inquiries and accusations from the horridly uninformed… which, coincidentally, is made up of a disproportionate number of Ravens fans…They in no way represent the sentiments of WPMT FOX43.

The unsilent minority have spoken. And they are ANGRY that the Ravens are not on TV this Sunday. Okay, so it’s like a dozen people, but the one guy just….keeps….calling…

It happens with regularity throughout the football season. Fans get upset when their team isn’t on the local channels. The Ravens, which are usually on CBS, are not this weekend, because the game is a FOX game. Road teams carry the broadcast rights; generally, FOX carries the NFC, CBS the AFC. The Saints are an NFC team, visiting Baltimore. So it’s a FOX game. But it’s not a FOX43 game, because we show the World Champion Philadelphia Eagles every chance we get (here’s our NFL broadcast schedule), and it is not a doubleheader week for our station. We get one game Sunday. That game is the Eagles hosting the Panthers. So, Ravens fans have to figure something out if they want to watch the game this week. This is jarring for some. Or maybe it comes back to that word — regularity. I could see how watching the Ravens moribund offense would keep one… regular.  And irregularity can make you grouchy. Maybe try an apple.

To help battle the cognitive dissonance this crisis is engendering in many a Ravens-brain, I’ve come up with a list of things more fun than watching Ravens football for those whom facing a Sunday without the Purple and Black are ‘filled with fantastic terrors never felt before.’  See what I did there? (Ravens fans will have to ask a friend).

  1. Paint a room. Watch it dry. This activity also brings with it a sense of accomplishment, often lacking on 3rd and long efforts for the Ravens.
  2. Go to a Big Box Store. Get some stuff. Varying shapes and sizes and weights. No cart or basket. Find the longest line and wait in it. As the lady in front of of you writes a check for a box of tissues, you’ll know the fatigue the Ravens secondary feels getting boat-raced by Drew Brees and company.
  3. Fill out those lists on Facebook — find out which Superhero or communicable disease you have the most affinity with.
  4. Listen to Nickelback. Nearly fulfilling a soundtrack as Harbaugh whining to the refs.
  5. Fold a fitted sheet. Talk about zone coverage!
  6. Watch your phone charge. Make it competitive and find the juiciest socket in your domicile. Rename it the Ray Lewis socket.
  7. Check work emails. Sunday Monday Funday all-in-Oneday!
  8. Clean the Shower. Soapscum holds tighter than Ravens O-tackles
  9. Re-do last year’s taxes. Practice makes perfect. Not for your football team, of course…
  10. Floss. Really. Get in there.
  11. Meditate. Ponder a life built around something more meaningful than a sports team which succeeds or fails regardless of your fanhood and brings you no actual reward or fulfillment.
  12. Just keep calling and complaining. When in doubt, go with what you know. But not just FOX. Call everybody. Take it to the Supreme Court…Remember, they’d be winning if only you could watch in your lucky jersey!

Any combination of the above should fill your Ravens-less afternoon.

You’re welcome.